I felt alive today, for the first time in a few days.
Last night I thought, maybe I am literally insane.
What makes you crazy is never really the way you act. You are crazy the moment someone else decides to call you crazy.
From that moment, you can’t say that you’re not – this will be called denial, denial being a tell tale trait of actual craziness.
You might start to think, wow, maybe I really am.
And that thought will consume you so that you start trying to completely normalize everything you do. But what’s wrong with someone who is completely normal?
There is no completely normal, and if you obsessively try to be… well then you really are nuts.
So I have been in The Great Depression, and I would much like to get out of it. There are only so many times you can cry in one day until the people around you just start to get pissed off. Until you start feeling so sorry for yourself, that other people can’t even feel sorry for you.
I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me. I just wanted out.
So I thought there must be a reason I feel things so deeply. There must be some purpose to all of this pain.
Feelings are no longer socially acceptable, and honestly I’m pretty tired of that. So maybe one of my reasons for feeling so much is to help it become a little bit more normal.
I’ve never turned down the opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to me. Even if they didn’t want to hear it. I’ve never had a problem showing those around me that I truly care about them, from my heart.
The problem I think is not that I have too many feelings, but that the rest of the world is just too scared to acknowledge theirs.
So whether it is wrong or right, here it is. Here is a stupid blog that no one will read. But that’s okay, because for once, I’m doing this for me.