I’m not going to whine about it. Not going to cry (anymore than I already have)
Because how can you pity yourself for something you always knew would happen…
I did it anyway. Like I always do.
“You must risk tears if you let yourself be tamed.” -The Little Prince
I took the risk, because I do that. And now I am wild again, I am a stray. Wandering the world belonging to no one, and nothing belonging to me. I took the risk, then the tears came, and then again I was untamed.
Maybe it is a subconscious form of self-harm. I look at it as the downside of being a hopeless romantic, the side effects of naiveté. But I would rather take the risk than never know what would have been. I’d rather take the risk than be hopelessly trapped in a familiar misery. But I was born a brave adventurer, always willing to take the journey whether or not I was able to face the outcome.
And for the time that it was, it was electrifying. And it is done. Just as a storm lights up a dark sky, sending a shock through intimidating clouds cozying themselves in your mind. Just like a storm creates a wave so large and powerful it is breath-taking, but it can consume you and take you to the depths of a onyx sea of salty tears. Just as a separation of solid ground shakes the Earth you walk on yet has you counting the seconds until the next quake.
Just as a storm on a hot summer night, you woke me up, you shook me, you broke the stagnant heat of loneliness. You came over me, and then you were gone.
Again, it was silent; eerily calm. And I knew I was alone. Waiting for dark clouds to drift from my world. . . until next time.
But you opened my eyes to see a new sky, and that just may be
all you were ever meant to do for me.
For some reason I can’t end this post with that. Maybe it sounds good. But it is fucking stupid. Who cares if it sounds good? When all words are just air filled with unmet expectations. Words, I’m so tired of them. I’m tired of writing. Of talking to no one, of putting these words into what – dead space? Isn’t that just what words are… something to fill dead space. Unless they are acted upon all they really are is pointless.
Please excuse me, it’s a bad day to post. it’s just a fucking bad day.