My week, past two weeks really have just been one awkward fuck my life moment after the next.
But it kind of made me even happier because the more I thought about it the funnier it was.
Like how I’m poor so I drove to Salisbury to sell some old clothes and ended up just spending more money in gas.
Or how this Indian guy hacked my computer and I was like, why me? So i actually typed “why are you hacking me?” on my computer… and the hacker responded. Then there was that awkward moment where I encountered the last person I ever wanted to encounter while I was having a terrible day at work. And then I thought I was getting robbed for all I have, but it was actually just my drunk friends trying to kidnap me. Then, there was finding out I have a court date to testify against some perv-y creep and it just so happens its the second week after starting my new job. Not to mention I am officially becoming a low life and moving back in with my parents. Oh yeah and I realized that there is just no one who is going to be him.
But all of these unexpected things, they threw me off, they came out of nowhere, and some of them just downright pissed me off. To be honest though, I enjoyed it. It was nice to feel something again. It was nice to actually be overwhelmed and be like, you know what? It is fucking okay that I am a little overwhelmed.
I think the reason I get so stressed out is because I don’t let myself just get pissed off, and then get over it. I’m constantly like “okay you have got to be the bigger person, nothing phases you, there’s no reason for this to bother you.” Well… my life is nuts. It’s chaotic. And it always has been. I can be as “Namaste” as I like, but at the end of the day, this is it. This always has been it, and it’s never going to be easy and be butterflies and flowers because I would really fucking hate that.
I’d rather be busy than bored. I would rather be thriving and struggling and figuring it out and getting myself out of situations that are uncomfortable, and just rolling with the punches and working with what I’ve got than have it all figured it out.
Why would I ever want to figure it all out? Why would I ever want to feel comfortable?
Where the hell is the fun in that?