I knew it would get better. I knew it had to get better, and the funny part about it this time is that I recognized it when it did. Not slowly, not in the midst of it all, but all at once.
All at once it was okay, and all at once it was great. And there were nights in between that weren’t and there were days in the middle that were not. But then all at once, it was there. That feeling that is not really a feeling at all, that feeling of pure “okay-ness” that is so okay it goes unnoticed. That simply because it is just so unmoving it gets no attention. But it should, we should pay more attention to being okay.
We should pay more attention to not fighting a breaking heart, to being tired at the end of a day because we worked so eagerly at something we loved, we should acknowledge the presence of a conversation that may not be intriguing, but it is good and kind and easy. We should, I should, not always give so much weight to the times that are un-okay and start thanking our lucky stars for the okay moments. The moments that do not need to be spectacular, that you do not want to be spell-binding, they may be more important than the big ones.
There is something special about something being so easy that it is not thought about. Looking back, these may be the exact moments that brought us long term happiness. Not something that is so outstanding it seems to make you euphoric for a short amount of time, but the little things that group together in your life to become a world that is good. A world of good feelings, a world of waking up in the morning with hope for the new day.
We should acknowledge being a bit frustrated with the way things are, because in that is the motivation to change it. It is not unhappiness, it is drive to make things better. It is strength to recognize that we are not at the end of our rope, that our okay-ness, our being, is possible.
But all of the sudden, when we are okay, it may not feel like much but it is a lot. It is a great thing to be okay. It is a great thing to be at peace with the way things are, and the way they will go, and the way you feel. And all at once, when you are least expecting it, it happens.
All at once, it happens.