I want to note something that I wrote over a year ago, and by doing that I would like to thank the Universe, and thank myself for getting me to the place I am currently in. It took a lot to get here, from where I was, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
December 4th 2014 I wrote”Fighting For Your Life”
In it, I talk about my lack of peace and contentment. If you haven’t read it, it’s a terribly dark piece. But it’s real, and although I find it hard to relate to now, it surrounded me at that point. I was trying to change myself from being caught in depression, relying on medicine to do simple things like wake up with a fresh attitude, or even just go to sleep. I realize now that although I felt at the time that I was fighting myself, I was actually trying to save myself.
Now, I am myself. Completely, wholly, fortunately.
A year ago, I was fighting severe depression. Battling it with every ounce of strength I had.
And I won that battle. I’m happy I did, because it means I am still here. But I am also happy that I felt that way over a year ago. I know true pain, desolate loneliness, I know corners of low places that no human should ever encounter, I know them by name. And every single one of those things have made me realize when I’ve got it good. Damn if I don’t have absolutely everything in my life right now to be grateful for, and grateful I am.
December 4th, 2014 I was fighting for my own life.
December 4, 2015 I was creating new life, within myself.
Literally and figuratively. I am currently a little over 16 weeks pregnant.
December 4th was the date that I conceived.
And yet, there are some people that don’t believe that everything in this world connects. When I looked back and realized that I wrote that piece, a year prior to creating new life, to me that is much more than ironic.
That is a fucking miracle.