Lost and Found

All my limbs can become trees:

It’s like being lost and becoming found,

all in one brief moment of stillness.

Having the world at your weathered fingertips

but clenching your fist instead

in the hopes of holding onto a feeling.

It’s when I breathe deep, and you

You are at the end of my breath.

Returning it to me, filling me up.

Extracting any air of emptiness

Consuming a void I didn’t know I’d had

Taking a trip to a place that only exists in an alternate universe,

where I am floating through time with no relativity

And you return to me, your breath.

Inflating my lungs

It’s a century, if just for a second

A world of questions answered in a mystery unsolved.

It’s a kiss

Strong enough to lose yourself in,

safe enough still

to have become found.

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The Karma Series – Law Six

Life Changing Quote:

6. The Law of Connection

“Even if something we do seems inconsequential, it is very important that it gets done as everything in the Universe is connected. Each step leads to the next step and so forth and so on. Someone must do the initial work to get a job done. Neither the first step or the last are of greater significance – they were both needed to accomplish the task. Past..Present..Future…they are all connected.”

This law means a lot of different things to me. I’ll try to hone in on one aspect of it for the sake of not boring you…

Do something today that may not seem like it “needs” to be done. More than likely, you will be glad that you did it. Be nice to everyone. Don’t judge others. What may seem like the cool thing to do, or the easy way out actually might hurt you in the future. So be a good person, always, to everyone. Even when you want to hate them, love them harder. One day, you will get it back. This is a bit off topic, but for years on the holidays I paid the person’s toll behind me (I should probably join 2016 and get an EZpass…) This year, I forgot to bring any small change with me. Believe it or not, when I needed it most – someone actually paid mine. Yes, it’s a dollar. But more than that, it would have meant taking a 30 minute detour at 10pm on a 2 hour trip home if that person hadn’t paid my toll. Thanks person!

I digress – but everything is connected. What you do today, affects what you do tomorrow – affects the way the world works tomorrow. Think of it like this…Planting seeds in the dead of winter when the soil is hard and cold, your fingers are cracking and the warmth of inside is tempting you. You plant them, expecting nothing. One day months later, the first week of weather in the high 60’s… you see those blooming flowers, experience their fragrance, and just their beauty makes your day.

Do things good, and good things will happen.

You may not know it, but the universe has a plan for you.

The Karma Series – Law Two

Manifest...The Universe is constantly creating. With our every thought we add to that creation. May we always create that which is beautiful, joyful and loving.:

 

The Karma Series

2. The Law of Creation

“Life doesn’t just happen, it requires our participation. We are one with the Universe both inside and out. Whatever surrounds us gives us clues to our inner state. BE and DO yourself what you want to have in your life.”

My biggest fear in life is that I will get to a point when I am much, much older that I will not be able to do the things I have always loved. Life is a beautiful opportunity, and we are given life with the expectation that we make it to be everything it should possibly be. We can do this simply by doing the things that we love. When we are doing these things, whether we are doing them perfectly or we are just doing them for the sake of doing them, we are still PARTICIPATING. When we participate in things that shake our souls, motivate us and make us feel inspired and at peace we are in turn giving that positive energy to the world around us. The people surrounding us can feed off those wavelengths, and be motivated by your passion. Be passionate. Choose to create as often as possible.

The universe will thank you.

Endless Youth

I grew up wandering in the grass surrounding the brown cedar rancher my parents decided to buy when I was five years old. Despite some of the turmoil in the midst of my youngest years, I always look back on these days with a fond sense of whimsy. I remember how long summer vacations seemed, how endless and full of discovery those three months were.

There were days full of digging up worms, and naming them of course. Planting flowers in the garden with mom, and listening to her tell me the names of all of them. Trying desperately, to remember those names and to know more about them.

Children, are so very curious. Even back then, I wanted to know everything, I wanted to understand the world I walked on in bare feet. I wanted to be close to it, and I was. In the early summer, I would walk down the very long and wooded trail deep in our back yard. On the lucky days, I would find the creek dried up under a makeshift bridge. I think it was a piece of plywood looking back, but in my young eyes it could have been the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. It could have been the bridge to the rest of the world. When it was dried up, those were the best days. It meant I could wander down the creek, walk its windy ways and jump over the giant roots of pine trees when I came across them. I never knew then how much that trail would teach me.

I never knew that while I was climbing trees, following trails and finding the differences in flowers that I was becoming the young woman I am today. Full of questions and wonderment, full of lust for what is around me and what is ahead of me. Never afraid to take the next step. Because I knew that even if I must find my footing on a large fallen tree, I could trust that what I found once I got over it was always worth the climb. I knew at the end of the day that home was just down a scenic path and that I would find my way back no matter how far I went. I didn’t know then that I was setting the theme of my life.

I remember my dad, cleaning out the gutters when that time of year came. I would see the ladder to the roof on the deck, and know that up there was danger. But I could climb it if I was given the okay… and on the days that he let me it was great. I would take this journal I had found at a yard sale with my mom one Sunday. The print on the outside cover was floral, and faded, something you might see on an old couch your grandmother has been trying to get rid of for years. There was a little loop on the cover that you could put a lock and key through. Luckily at six years old I had no need for that amount of privacy. I had no secrets then, and honestly, I don’t have too many now. I’d take a pencil and that journal with me, I adored that book. Sitting next to a skylight, watching the trees and the big blue sky, I started writing. My first poem was called “Trees.” I never stopped writing after that. It has been a constant in my life ever since.

I’m not sure what inspired me to write this, maybe it was just having some appreciation for the “good ol’ days” but I also think it has to do with the importance that I believe is held in a small child’s heart and mind. We become people, so much sooner than I think our parents could ever imagine. We see things through such pure eyes. I am very glad that I have been able to keep some of that with me, that I still have the wonder and zest of that little girl willing to discover whatever was put in front of her. Being in touch with your inner child in such a grown up and fast paced world can really help to balance you, to keep you imaginative. After all, what’s so good about being a grown up anyway?

Are We Finding Or Creating Ourselves?

Let me start by saying I owe this question to my best friend, Cara. We are two, wildly independent young women, we do everything together, we have goals, ambitions, and we love men. But we don’t like them to get in our way.

While Cara and I are uniquely similar, more similar than anyone in the world I have met, we are not best friends because of our similarities. We are best friends thanks to our differences. I never quite knew what made us different, we were always on the same wavelength but at times, not in sync. Maybe she discovered something later than I did, maybe I discovered something in a different way than she did. But we still understood. So until the other night I really never understood what it was that made us so impeccably unalike.

Then there it was, in here room, staring at me. Bold letters in white writing on a black background. “Life is not about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself.”

I knew then, the exact reason why we are different. In each move I make, in every mistake, in every accomplishment, I believe at the core of me that this happened in order for me to learn. It happened because I needed it to, because I needed to know more about myself, I needed to find myself in a different situation, in a different atmosphere. I needed to know what I would be like, anywhere, and I needed to know what place and mindset was best suited for me. I accept things because I deem them as necessary.

Creating yourself not he other hand is very different, I can’t speak for her, but when I think of creating myself I think of making things happen. In each move she makes, there is a motive, in every mistake, she feels as though it comes straight back to something that she did, along with every accomplishment. So there is guilt, but there is also pride. Maybe her belief, at her core, is not that “this happened because she needed it to” but “I owe all of this to myself and what I have created.” On the one hand, its amazing. I’m envious. I wish I took credit for all of my accomplishments, I wish I could tell myself “good job.” On the downside, what about the mistakes? What about, blaming yourself for something out of your control? On the other hand, is that more self-awareness? Is she more conscious of the things she has done incorrectly, whereas I may be pawning them off as something out of my control?

I was thinking about it a lot tonight, and I don’t quite think it matters. Maybe it takes finding yourself, in order to create the self that you should be in the end. And maybe it takes creating the wrong self a few times, before you find your “true” self. I think there are a lot of things about this belief, that make us intrinsically different. However, I also believe that the true and admirable friendship we share is born on the fact that no matter what she believes, or I believe, each of us can see things with an open-mind. After all, it could be one way or it could be the other. But I think that whether you find, or create yourself, where you truly find who you are is in the compromise you make for the people you love. The empathy you have for those around you, no matter how they differ. We may not always see eye to eye, we may not always see the same picture, but we are still willing to understand the other ones perspective.

What a wonderful world it would be if more of us could do that. So what do you think, are we searching through the world looking for who we may be? Or are we making ourselves and our beliefs as we go? You tell me.

xoxo,

Shel.

Dream On

Lying on the floor,
because your white sheets are too risky
A blurred vision of that smile,
strikes me like lightning
at sunset, sitting on the sand
where the sky turned pink and I fled to you
because no place else was ever an option
Spiraling around the room,
we voiced our recent adventures.
Taking for granted all the expenditures
that neither of us knew we were allowing
Months later and my heart has spent too much time on you
I haven’t told it not to,
in the hopes that the similarities I saw
when you caught me staring
had not in fact been pieced together by my imagination,
but that I truly know you better than you think I do.
Throbbing senses spark a jolt through my chest
when those eyes flash to the back of my mind
like an alarm for something I had forgotten,
I wish I had forgotten.
Yet my throat still tightens when you are next to me
So close and somehow a million light years away
Now that we don’t know each other, who are you
Now that I have strategically won
this game that includes you as a pawn
Where I have succeeded in tricking you into pushing me away
Is “I did it because I had to” ever good enough?
You frequent my dreams,
maybe because not only did I watch you walk away
I catapulted you off to another world,
a world where I don’t exist.
There you are, and here I am.
Fortunate enough that neither of our worlds are likely to collide
Unfortunate enough to be incapable
of letting the hope go that we’d coexist
My moves have been made,
and everyday I wish I could take them back.

2010

Catch Me If You Can

I found an old flash drive from when I was in college in 2010… thank God I did because it had some personal writing on it that otherwise would have never gotten to exist. Here is a throwback for you, called Catch Me If You Can. It is interesting to see how my writing style has kept a lot of the same tendencies but definitely differs in ways as well. Hope you all are having a productive and creative day 🙂
xoxo,
Shel.

Catch Me If You Can

Don’t catch yourself;
thinking of torturous “what if’s”
regretting the words,
that never got further than the tip of your tongue
wondering how each of my days without you plays out
holding fast to the taste of my skin
wishing helplessly for a happy ending
hoping things eventually set right,
morally and selfishly
Don’t catch yourself;
asking where it was that we took our first wrong turn
getting weak at the unexpected sound of my name
I’ve caught myself,
I’ve done all the same.
Until I realized,
we’ve got nothing but ourselves
nothing but ourselves to blame.

December 2010