Lost and Found

All my limbs can become trees:

It’s like being lost and becoming found,

all in one brief moment of stillness.

Having the world at your weathered fingertips

but clenching your fist instead

in the hopes of holding onto a feeling.

It’s when I breathe deep, and you

You are at the end of my breath.

Returning it to me, filling me up.

Extracting any air of emptiness

Consuming a void I didn’t know I’d had

Taking a trip to a place that only exists in an alternate universe,

where I am floating through time with no relativity

And you return to me, your breath.

Inflating my lungs

It’s a century, if just for a second

A world of questions answered in a mystery unsolved.

It’s a kiss

Strong enough to lose yourself in,

safe enough still

to have become found.

Pine Floors and Broken Doors

broken door

Pine Floors and Broken Doors

who are you when the lights go down

and all thats left are the shadows of your thoughts

and the aftermath of sudden dreams

who are you when im not there to pretend for

and will you expose that when the sun comes out

and begs for you to dance among the earths hidden edges

where were you when the rain fell, through the leaves of pine trees

through the openings in clouds so dense,

they covered the skies, as you run for cover

inside a house that consumes all your fear,

yet hides you behind broken doors

what are you dreaming about when the night moves in

slowly, and demanding, asking you for all your sins

who are you when im not there,

asking you for more

when the sky grows bleak, and your heart trembles in your chest

who are you then?

what are your thoughts when your surroundings surround nothing

but yourself, and will you show me that, will you let me in?

because I’m standing at the door to all your secrets,

just wanting and wanting more,

but i wont knock for a chance to get in,

unless you’re absolutely sure

your nightmares wont scare me the way they have scared the ones before,

and i was hoping that you knew that

i was hoping you would explore,

the depths of us and the depths of your body’s purest core

because you are to me, a mystery

with dog-eared pages, and highlighted phrases,

in order to understand you more

so who are you when all thats left to know,

is the you that sleeps inside the nights new skies,

and leaves me at the door.

Here Goes Nothing

sunshine

“Here goes nothing,”

said the sun to the wind
As they danced within
The earths luminous sphere
And there you are,
And I am here
with your fingers wrapped around
The capillaries that fill with fear
If you only knew
That my sun and my wind
Are not afraid of dancing about,
with you near
But timid to find that wind doesn’t blow
And the sun doesn’t shine
without you here
My heart races
In a constant state of churning seas
And where I am, with you my dear
Is right where I wanted to be
So bring down the sun
And be my breeze
Because the earth doesn’t spin
When there are no nights like these
Breathe in deep,
And be my breeze
Because the sun doesn’t shine
When there are no days like these

The Days Of Influenza

Influenza… sounds so much more serious when you call it that. Well this is day three of my first experience with the flu.
It’s odd… because you know you’re not dying. But then your throat swells and you can’t breathe through your nose and you think ‘if i fall asleep… how will I breathe??’
Maybe that’s me because I’m paranoid. But it is interesting the things that the flu makes you appreciate.

Last night, I couldn’t breathe at all and I found myself thinking about breathing. I prayed to God, ‘please let my right nostril unclog, I swear I will never take breathing for granted again.’

But breathing is breathing… so today after being heavily medicated I woke up and I could actually breathe through my nose so I wasn’t completely disgusted by my own mouth breathing. And I thought, wow so this is what it is like to be able to breathe again. I actually said thank you, to whomever it was that I apparently think is in charge of my immune system.

When you can’t do something so simple, you start to be grateful just for the act of doing it. All I wanted was to breathe. Any other day, I don’t think about breathing. I just do it. And I promised my higher power that if he just made breathing easy I would never take it for granted again. But I can’t just do that. Breathing is breathing. I can’t possibly think ‘thank you’ in my head whenever I take a breath. How would I get anything done?

What if we did though… what if we were so mindful of the simple things that make our lives happen that we appreciated just the act of them. When I was in Tennessee, a very large part of what I learned had to do with mindfulness… with being appreciative and grateful for the moment that was happening as it happened. On a day to day basis, we do not think about breathing. It just happens. It’s natural. Maybe we should recognize these things more… I know I should. I should be happy just to take breaths that are clear and painless.
How much more positive we would be if we just thought once a day “Wow… it was really easy to breath today. So glad I don’t have the flu today. So glad I have energy to just be apart of this day. So glad I am healthy, and I am living.”

So I guess this is me finding the bright side of the days of influenza. Today I can breathe, and it doesn’t burn my nostrils or shoot fire through my throat. (Thank you Mucinex and antibioitics!!)

But maybe everyday I should say thank you.
Thank you to the universe for creating an atmosphere that is somehow filled with oxygen that can fill our lungs.
Thank you for the planet that is so perfectly created for human life to thrive on.
Thank you for the grass that feeds the animals, the flowers that support the bees, the bees that pollenate, the water in the ocean that give the fish a home, the fresh rivers that help us to survive.
There are so many things we do not acknowledge on a day to day basis that are actually the sole reasons we are alive.
Thank you nose for smelling, fingers for feeling, thank you heart for beating.

Thank you life for being, and letting us all be.

Global Views

In spite of everything,
I have never known someone who loved life as much as I do.
It may not be well known,
it may not be made known by the words I write.
Because within them,
what you see is that life is full of unknowns,
and full of hurt.
What is not shown,
is the depth of love I have for moments that do not yet exist.
Those imagined moments are what keep me fighting.
The innate and insatiable love I have for this world,
is what keeps me in it.
Although I fight the urge to give in daily,
what I want to be known is why I do not give up.
I do not give up because despite of all the ugliness that consumes daily rituals,
there are moments that have not been made yet,
there are things in the future for me that must happen.
These are the things I love so much, the great unknown.
The humor and the quantity of things that I have not seen.
There are so many things I wish that I could forget,
things that have already been.
But I breathe in because of all the things that haven’t yet.
I want the world, I have since I was young.
I want the world, all of it.
Sometimes I want it in my hands,
and that is where my faults lie.
But the urge to have the world, to view it,
to be in it and to know it,
kicks me into gear and builds me up.
The only thing that gets me through the day,
is knowing that there are things that have not yet been found.
I guess thats why life can get so desolate.
When you consistently live for things that aren’t,
you forget to appreciate what is around you.
There lies my faults.
Not being able to see what is around me,
only being able to see what is in front.
And when the footsteps you are supposed to take are muddled,
how do you know which direction to move?
Despite what goes on in this mind of mine,
all of the darkness and solitude…
There has never been hate.
Actually it is what separates me I believe…
because in my laments there is a silver lining.
There always has been.
Whether it is in the form of dry humor,
or just a saturated attempt at a joke,
or a bright side.
I love this world, I live for this world.

Reason to Breathe

After a storm there is always a stillness
A time to live in retrospect,
To recollect old memories and old thoughts
There is a calm, that comes after a disaster, fleeting and mesmerizing
A smile through broken frowns,
A peace of mind in moments of spinning dizziness
There is a wave that breaks, close to your heart and a wind that blows through wild hair,
A wind that blows through shattered bones, and broken skin
And as it twirls around you,
You breathe for the first time.
You breathe in deep and feel your lungs expand and you know in that moment
That you are alive.
That no one is you in this whole world, and you have purpose despite your flaws.
And you breathe out all the emptiness that surrounds your soul,
And know that you are made of more than flesh,
That you are something this world needs,
That you have reason to breathe.

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Cowboys and Indians

I was told to let go
To leave my vulnerabilities at the door
So I did
And you picked them up
When you walked in
Shoved them in my face
Then kissed them all away
I kept the flowers in my hair,
You said you liked them there
Showed me your demons
Worn loosely on your sleeves
But I can’t see any flaws
Not at all,
when I’m looking in your eyes
Can’t think at all
With your lips pressing slowly against mine,
and your hands around my neck
You draw me in
You bring me back
to something, to somewhere
That takes me away.
And maybe I love you, or just your body
But I should have said it back.
Because I feel it, either way.