Dark Waters

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I’ve been spending time, trying to stay afloat

Refusing to drown in the murky waters you have left me in.

You filled the water to my chin,

watched me fight for my breath.

You let the paranoia of my own defeat set in,

pushed me to suffocate, rather than help me swim.

I continued to tread water, on and on

Too afraid to give up and too exhausted to move forward.

Without feeling, you watched

As I exerted all my energy into rising waters

You allowed me to drain myself completely of life,

determined to find solid ground.

Frantically, my arms flailed.

I never give up a fight.

I knew you got us here,

I knew you were the reason I was drowning.

Yet in one last desperate attempt to restore us to sanity,

in one last fleeting moment,

I gave you a final chance to redeem yourself –

To pull me up from the depths.

Ignoring my instincts,

I reached for you.

You took my hand, as my legs began to give out

and I felt hope once again.

Then you let the water rise, while looking in my eyes.

You watched me inhale,

before I sank slowly

Surrounded by the weight of your betrayal.

Only then, as the water filled my lungs, did I finally feel peace.

Only then, did I let go.

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Seconds at Random

there are seconds that go by slowly
drawn out so that you can see them
so that they are not just a measure of time

but something you can hold onto
a tangible matter, a sizable moment.

there are minutes that seem to go so fast
you don’t know if they ever happened at all
and what we know as significant,
isn’t always up to us.
our mind decides what will linger

i’ve always wondered, where the seconds go that aren’t substantial enough to make a memory
where do the moments drift to
of a time and a place that we said to ourselves
“i never want to forget this”
only to be overridden by ones that had come after
and what we know in our minds as our lives, and as our worlds
has that been carved out of what has happened, and what has been known?

or is what we know
simply just what we are wired to believe
we do not dream at random,
our wants and desires are not given to us by our minds
they come from what we know to be true,
what we want to be true.

so where do the seconds go that have not stayed with us
and if it had been different seconds, that turned into moments
that shaped who we had become

if it had been different times that our minds believed were significant
who would we be?

so are we who we think we are,
or do we become the people that the world needs us to be
reminiscing on what our minds let us,
and letting go of everything in between.